Friday reflection
We say, “If she can see it, she can be it” — but when it comes to social media, what, exactly, is she seeing? What, exactly, are we showing her?
Happy Friday! A quick note before this week’s reflection: I’ve got spots available in my Learn to Love LinkedIn program. Unlock what’s possible for you on LinkedIn, and have fun doing it. Learn more.
Earlier this week my mother-in-law shared an excellent article from George Takei, titled, Why Are We So Focused on Boys, When Girls are the Ones in Crisis? The article makes a compelling case for how the rise of social media has coincided with the rise of anxiety and depression in girls. Correlation is not causation, but even if #selfies aren’t ruining girls’ mental health, social media is a huge area where many women — even ardent feminists — are letting girls down.
If you’re on the go, consider listening to this article instead of reading it.
“If she can see it, she can be it,” we say — but when it comes to social media, what, exactly, is she seeing? What, exactly, are we showing her?
Are we showing her that we say nothing for months, until we are “thrilled” to share that we’re on a conference panel? Meanwhile, offline, we speak passionately about social justice, or about an amazing podcast we just listened to. No trace of that online, though. No trace of US online, in so many cases, for so many women.
There are a million reasons for this, living as we do in a patriarchal, white supremacist, capitalist culture. Many women experience physical, financial, and emotional consequences when they dare to speak up or speak out. What’s more, we live in a culture that conditions us from an early age that the stories we tell about women are limited, inauthentic, and often controlled by men; we’re the dead wife who incites the hero’s journey, or the beautiful princess who inspires him to become good, etc, etc. Why wouldn’t we internalize these messages and censor our own storytelling about our own lives?
But censoring ourselves on social media, or opting out completely, comes at a cost, for ourselves and for the next generation of women.
Can you imagine if popular culture told the truth about what our lives are like? If it was a normal, everyday experience to turn on the TV and see tons of shows where you watched the female characters and thought, “Yep, just like me”? Or, “Yep, that’s what I look like when I wake up in the morning, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t sleep with eyeshadow on,” or, “That’s something my friends and I are worried about, too,” or, “That’s just what it feels like to go to work,” or “That’s just what my relationship with my parents or kids or friends is like”? Can you imagine if it was normal to see blockbuster movies authored and directed by diverse women sharing personal stories that helped you better understand what it felt like to be a woman with a different background than your own? Or to pass a magazine stand and see women who weren’t all airbrushed, thin/toned/sexualized, or covered in makeup?
What if that authenticity- and diversity-infused media landscape was the water we swam in, the water our daughters drank from day one? I wonder if teenage girls’ Instagram feeds would still be dominated by them posing coquettishly, lapping up the “likes” for how pretty or hot they are (this article offers tips for achieving “artful, sexy selfie poses”). I know a lot of girls say that they find this empowering, that it’s about owning their bodies, and sure, ok, but is that all there is to know about you? Millions of you? Do you not have other aspects of your identity that you might choose to share online, like your concern about the state of the climate, or the music that’s inspiring you lately, or the things that are making you laugh? What if it were normal for girls to share those things? What if they saw women, both in corporate-owned media and through social media, sharing more honest, three dimensional versions of themselves? Would the growth of social media still correlate with spikes in girls’ depression and anxiety? What if it instead helped them express themselves creatively, forge meaningful relationships, attract meaningful opportunities, and live into the next version of themselves?
Because this is what showing up more authentically and consistently on social media does for my clients. It also gets them promotions and speaking gigs and all kinds of other practical opportunities, on top of profound psychological benefits — increased clarity about who they are, increased confidence, and more.
This is the crux of why I’m so passionate about women showing up more online, specifically: The internet is an engine that shapes our media and our culture. So when we fill the internet, via social media, with our authentic, full-dimensional selves, we in turn fill our broader media landscape and culture with those things. And the ripple effects go far beyond improving our own lives, or the lives of other women. They influence the next generation. They influence the leadership stories that girls consume and are therefore shaped by, helping to create a world that thinks about leadership in a more holistic way — not just in terms of a title or a salary, but in terms of commitment to others and to using creative power in service of a mission, a set of values, a dream. And that world, in turn, is a world that becomes more ready to embrace women as leaders, in both the traditional sense — as executives, as elected representatives — and in examples of leadership that are currently devalued in our culture, such as motherhood, art-making, and activism.
So yeah, whether you post on LinkedIn, or Instagram, or any other platform, and what you post — these are high-stakes issues. It’s easy to dismiss social media as one big dumpster fire, but it’s a dumpster fire girls are swimming in, and our lack of participation and leadership isn’t helping. Of course, I’m all for setting boundaries in life that protect our mental health, and for designing a way of building an online platform that meets your needs as a whole person; this is something I help my clients with every day. But, and, I think we overlook the broader societal and cultural implications of our opting out, or using these platforms haphazardly, without intention.
Brene Brown wrote, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
What would your social media presence look like, if it reflected, an embraced, the truth of who you are?
You are a mighty force.
Amanda
P.S. A bit ofhousekeeping!Last week, I asked you all to vote on a new perk for paid subscribers (now that I’m making my interviews public), and you resoundingly chose an hour of coaching or consulting (for you or someone else). I’m excited to support you or a woman you choose to gift this hour to! Just reply to this email to schedule your time with me, or have a friend/colleague/mentee reach out to me at amanda@mightyforces.co to book a call.
P.P.S. You can also gift a woman in your life her own paid subscription to Mighty Forces Express — that way, you both get an hour of support :).