Friday reflection
"You're so extra"
Happy Friday, friends. I love these reflections on why being “extra” is good for business from my client Suzanne Ehlers, amazing human and CEO of USA for UNHCR (the UN’s refugee agency). She writes,
“Extra” is often used as a pejorative, as in, “Would you look at her? She’s being so extra.” If you’re “extra,” it means you’re a drama queen, you come on too strong, you’re high maintenance and, more often than not, you’re a woman.
Similarly, in the workplace, something is “extra” if the powers that be have deemed it a nice-to-have rather than a must-have. But what if creating space for the “extras” is in fact essential to helping an organization and the people within it to grow, have impact and thrive?
I saw the harmful effects of feeling “extra” just this week.
I did a one-day LinkedIn makeover with a woman who came into our conversation thinking that her intensely creative way of thinking about entrenched social problems made her too “messy." I helped her reframe the story she was telling herself and see that her brilliant capacity for divergent thinking was, in fact, a superpower.
The truth is, the notion of “extra” is all about context — external context, i.e. the environments we spend time in, and internal context, i.e. the stories we tell ourselves. I’ve been in environments that made me feel like something was wrong with me for the way I think, the things I feel — for simply being who I am; and I’ve created environments for myself (such as Mighty Forces) that leveraged those same “wrong” qualities into something very, very right. Part of what gave me the courage to create a better context for myself was a deep knowing that I was a plug looking for a socket that I hadn’t quite found.
This Friday, I invite you to look inside yourself and ask, “Are there ways I’m judging myself for being ‘too much’ or ‘extra’?” Be gentle with yourself: It’s so hard not to internalize other people’s negative feedback. And then ask yourself, “What kind of environment would turn these ‘problems’ into assets?”
For example, if you’re “too emotional,” what’s an environment where caring passionately is seen as a plus? (What would you tell your daughter or best friend if she told you she was “too” something?)
We’re all out here looking for the people who are trying to find us, and masking and shrinking ourselves isn’t the way to find them, or to help them find you.
You are a mighty force.
I want to leave you with a few videos — songs I’ve discovered thanks to my daughter’s tv-watching habits (Central Park, Big City Greens), that celebrate being your own weird, wonderful self.
Have a wonderful Friday, and a wonderful weekend -
Amanda
P.S. Drop a song in the comments that gives you the pep talk/ pump up you need when YOU’RE feeling extra, too much, or wrong.