Friday reflection

Intensity welcome

Hi, friends. Just a quick note before we dive into this week’s reflection: It would mean the world to me if you’d recommend this Substack to the women in your life. As I prepare to pitch publishers soon on my Mighty Forces book concept, the more subscribers I have, the more attractive my proposal will be to them. And while I reach a number of amazing women, my numbers aren’t as big as you might think. I don’t do a lot of targeted newsletter marketing because in general, I’m happy reaching who I reach, and care more about the quality of my connections than the quantity — but when it comes to the publishing industry, well, numbers talk. So please consider texting a friend or group thread, forwarding this email with a note, posting to a relevant Slack channel, sharing on LinkedIn… etc. You can also give a paid subscription as a gift. Thanks in advance for your support — really. Now, onto this week’s reflection…

Let the reflection begin!

I’m getting more engaged with the inspiring community of writers here on Substack, and this morning, I came across this excellent reflection from poet Yrsa Daley-Ward (whose Substack, the utter, I highly recommend). Here’s a snippet:

“Often, when I’m avoiding my writing practice or finding it challenging to communicate clearly and expressively in social situations, I can usually credit it to one of the following;

There is something inside me - maybe heavy or destructive - that I am holding safely out of view. This is using up a lot of my energy….”

- Yrsa Daley-Ward

That really got me — the holding things out of view, and the energy that consumes.

So. Much. Energy.

A dark, empty movie theater with a blank white screen at the front - Photo by Augusto Oazi on Unsplash.

At the end of the post, Daley-Ward poses a series of questions, including this one: “What do you wish people understood about you?” (Interestingly, this is a variation of a question I ask in my Mighty Forces questionnaire: What do people most often misunderstand about you?)

What I wish people understood about me is how desperately I want to feel safe with others, not despite of my intense thoughts and feelings, but because of them.

I am going to guess a number of you can relate to that in a deep way. Please tell me if you do, either publicly, in the comments, or just by replying to this email. I’d really love to know.

I explored the theme of feeling like “too much” last month when I shared my client Suzanne’s recent article about how being extra is good for business. As I reflected then:

I’ve been in environments that made me feel like something was wrong with me for the way I think, the things I feel — for simply being who I am; and I’ve created environments for myself (such as Mighty Forces) that leveraged those same “wrong” qualities into something very, very right.

I’m so used to feeling like my intensity and passion make other people uncomfortable that it trips me up in a lot of group settings. As recently as this week, two women with whom I’m collaborating took longer than usual to respond to a text I sent, and I started telling myself a story that the edits I’d made to a shared document (which sprang from passion and inspiration following a review of work we’d done together) were too much — thatI’d blown it, alienated them, “gone too far.” When they finally saw my message, they both lovingly reassured me that this was not, in fact, the case… they’d just been away from their phones, running errands, helping their kids. You know, living life. Because of course they were. But I’ve felt so rejected by groups in the past that it was very easy for my anxiety to rush to tell me a story that I had done something wrong.

You know this, but I’ll remind you, because we all need reminders, myself included: The stories in our minds are not facts.

…And often, the best way to realize that is to let them out of our heads: To write them down. To talk them through with a non-judgmental and supportive friend or therapist or both. To move our bodies, or get very still, or both, and let the intelligence of our bodies and spirits free us from the prison of our minds.

Another way to get something out of your head: Take advantage of the one-hour story coaching session that you’re entitled to as a paid subscriber! Get my input on everything from your LinkedIn profile and the things you’re posting there, to a campaign you’re mounting at work — anything that would benefit from my attention and creative, strategic insights. Just reply to this email and we’ll set up a time.

Last, but never least: You are a mighty force.

- Amanda

P.S. Just a reminder to check out the new Mighty Forces website, if you haven’t already! Talk about intense thoughts and feelings — what a journey it was, to birth that baby, and how good it feels, now that the public representation of MF is closer to the story (cough, cough) inside of me.

P.P.S. I’m seeing Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s “Restless Leg” tour this weekend in Atlantic City! I’m so excited I could puke. Are you going to one of their shows, or have you already seen them? Share your favorite Amy/Tina moment or quote in the comments :).