Friday reflection
Nothing "micro" about it
Woman with tape over her mouth
(Paid subscribers, scroll down to find the audio version of this week’s reflection.)
Hello, amazing women -
Yesterday I read the brand-new Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey and LinkedIn and distilled some key findings in a LinkedIn post that you can find here (I find that this report’s data points are helpful to have on-hand when making the case for, y’know, equality and such).
I want to focus today’s newsletter on this finding:
So-called “microaggressions" actually have a huge, macro impact. The workplace is a mental minefield for many women, particularly those with traditionally marginalized identities. Women who experience microaggressions are much less likely to feel psychologically safe, which makes it harder to take risks, propose new ideas, or raise concerns. The stakes just feel too high. On top of this, 78 percent of women who face microaggressions "self-shield" at work, or adjust the way they look or act in an effort to protect themselves. For example, many women choose not to speak up or share an opinion to avoid seeming difficult or aggressive to their colleagues.
“Many women choose not to speak up or share an opinion to avoid seeming difficult or aggressive to their colleagues.”
When this is the water we swim in every single day, it’s no wonder we’re hesitant to share our ideas and stories on LinkedIn. Speaking up or sharing an opinion makes us feel vulnerable, and when we do it in other contexts, we get punished. Hence, “self-shielding.”
But the irony is that the more we self-shield — the more we “protect” ourselves — the less we succeed.
Sure, we may avoid being called difficult, but that doesn’t prevent people from talking about us behind our backs, or deciding for whatever reason that we “don’t have what it takes.” We sell ourselves out and instead of growing our power, it perpetuates the prison we find ourselves in.
Over the years I’ve met women who live in mansions and earn enormous salaries in so-called “impressive,” senior roles, and who are miserable because of the false persona they work painstakingly to uphold at work. The endless code-switching. The cost of their supposed success is the constant feeling of walking through life detached from who they really are.
This is not success.
I don’t want to minimize the very real repercussions women face for daring to be authentic. I just want to point out that when we self-shield, we don’t guarantee ourselves safety. On the other hand, when we build our muscle around consistently sharing things we actually care about online, in our own voice… we exercise our innate power. We send up a beacon that helps attract the people and opportunities that we most deeply yearn for, and that are trying to find us.
We expand our possibilities, and ourselves.
The hard truth is that for women, and especially for women of color, there’s no proven formula for getting equal pay or equal opportunity. We urgently need policies and practices that drive systemic, paradigm-shifting change. But we’ve urgently needed that for decades. So while it’s not the job of any individual woman to overcome all of the systemic injustices that would hold her back, it doesn’t serve us to put our agency on a shelf. What does serve us is allowing the full expression of our power.
What does this bring up for you? When is a time when it felt impossible to speak up, and why? When have you spoken up and seen the power in doing so?
I know it isn’t easy. But you aren’t alone. And, remember this: You are a mighty force.
- Amanda
P.S. My 2023 dance card is officially full, but if you’re ready to begin building the muscle of creating an authentic and consistent online presence, let’s talk about how we might work together in the new year. Just reply to this email and we’ll find time to talk!